Family of Choice
We all have families we are born into, some of us are very lucky and some of us aren’t. If you subscribe to the concept of choosing your family before birth, then you probably understand how even the worst of our biological families have something to teach us. Even if it to teach you what not to do.
As an only child, I still had a large family growing up, with Aunts and Uncles, cousins, there were 10 of us did all the family dinners at Grandpa and Grandma’s. It was pretty nice but these were some pretty vanilla people. They treated me kindly and always like I was family, even though I was a step child, I never felt like I didn’t matter. On the flip side, I never completely fit in either, I was always just a bit different, never quite hearing the same tune.
When I got married to an Army guy and moved away from my home in Arizona, I was struck with great sadness for not having that comfort of family and friends around. Even if they did think I was odd, LOL. I started to draw into my life other people to be part of my family. Over the years I have done holiday dinners for up to 25 people. I am a social person I like having that warmth close at hand. However as nice as it was to fill my life with these people, when we got stationed to other locations, usually we would loose touch with them after a couple of years. Life moved on and so had we. Our family was really sort of an issue of proximity instead of life long connection. Not quite a family then really.
Since Master and I have been together we have built and acquired a family, that we all call Family of Choice or FOC. It started with sharing a New Years with Lori, then we invited other and she invited others, and they invited others and now all these years later it grown into a fantastic mix of amazing people.
It seems in the last few years we have been through every thing a family goes through, death, marriage, illness, and all the normal day to day of life. We have all gotten a bit older, richer, broker, wiser and ticked that there is never enough time to spend together or even to play at home. This group of people are the ones I trust with my life. I found endless joy in finding Master, the first person who loved all of me…as just me. I never expected to find a group of people who would do that for me too but in this Family of Choice I have done just that. No matter what I do, no matter where I am, I know there are all these people who will just keep loving and supporting me.
I want to tell you about these amazing people and the joy they bring me, now if you see no pictures, it is because they feel a need to keep their lifestyle choices quiet. A shame they have to do that, but until everyone can keep reality in mind, and don’t persecute others for their adult consensual choices, I will respect their right to privacy too.
Not everyone in this group in what has become that FOC but to me each and every one of them is my family of choice and I wake up every day grateful for what they bring to my life. They say you can tell a lot by the company a person keeps…In that case damn I am rocking it cause the company I keep is just freaking great!
Mark and Lori
Lori is probably our oldest friend in the lifestyle. While we have known some longer, she has always been a part of our lives since we met so many years ago. I will say Lori is something of a brat and always has been. And truthfully one of her best skills is getting others in trouble, all in good subbie evil for sure. We have traveled the road together and still there is love. Lori is someone special and we are grateful to have her. She would mother us all if she could, even though we are all grown ups, it is just her nature to take care of others. She is facing some hard time now for the second time she is fighting cancer. But as I have told her once and will say a million times more, she is just darn stubborn to let this beat her. I know she can kick it! I know she will kick it.
When Mark came into Lori’s life, little did we know how much he would come to mean to us too. Mark passed all the tests, past Lori’s daughter, past us and in the years since has become one of our very best friends. Mark is that guy you can call and say I need some help and he is the first one showing up. It sounds so simple but really…how many people can you say that about with no doubt each and every time?
Mark and Lori asked Lee to perform their service for them when they got married. As it was just one of those right things in the universe. Since Lori once wore Lee’s collar and she was always a good soul we watched out for, he should be the one that ties them together in front of those they love. They asked me to take the photos and I was very proud to be there for them. It is hard to believe how many years it has been now and all the ups and downs we have all had but I still know just like I did at the start, that if I need them, they are there. When the big day come for us, Mark stood up with Lee and was his best man. Damn you got to love it when it all comes together.
John and Jaders
Jaders has been in the community here as long as we have. We saw her go through her fair share of folks, we spent time hanging out but didn’t get all that close until the FOC started happening and John was part of her life. I took the pictures at their wedding too, LOL. Official FOC photographer here, hehehe. When I look back on the years, Jaders is one of those people we have really seen come into her own, with a terrific career and just feeling good being her. We talk a lot in the lifestyle about how if it is the right person they will bring out the best in you and want only the best for you. You can see that in action with John and Jaders. And we are all lucky enough to share in that with them.
John is one of the most evil twisted fucks I know. I say with complete love, because he has a truly generous and honorable spirit too. John thinks everything is insertable. Think about that for a minute…EVERYTHING! It is one of the favorite family jokes, along with John’s favorite line, “And how does that affect me?” John is without a doubt one of the most generous people I know. He gives of himself so freely with both his family and his community. He also deserves more credit than most for what he will do for art. John has spent a long time keeping his body very fit and when I needed a picture of a man, mostly naked on his knees, kissing a woman’s boot, he did that for me. There are not a lot of Dom’s out there who would do this, put that ego aside and put doing his friend a favor first. On top of that he actually did this in front of all our friends, so there I was taking photos to draw from, while our friends were taking pictures for fun. He took it all with great humor and such grace.
BT and Lia
BT is an interesting guy. You look at him, in sandals, long hair all very casual and you know I don’t think I can remember seeing him in that Dom uniform you see so many others wear. He would paint his house all white if he could, and yet he has an artist for a friend who would never look at a white wall if she could help it, LOL. While the white walls might do, his spirit is filled with so much color that I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t want it on the walls. He loves Lia so much, it shines in his eyes. They have gone through so much with all the trials life has given them over the years and yet BT still smiles and still laughs but all you have to do is watch him play to know he is a serious Dom. This is a man comfortable and at ease with himself and damn don’t play Wii sports with him, he can kick your ass, LOL.
An interesting guy deserves an interesting woman and he sure found that in Lia. She is one of the smartest women I know. And really folks, brain wise I am no dullard here, so if I tell you this woman is sharp, I mean it sincerely. Lia is creative and artistic, smart as hell and has the worst medical luck of any person I have ever known in my life. A few years ago she managed to get zapped while standing in water when lightning hit near by, and really I think it did some crazy crap to her because since then it seems if there is medical problem she has had it or will get it. I think if they gave flyer miles for people going to the hospital, she could have flown around the world a couple of times already. Lia loves her family so much and would walk through fire for any of them and I know she has had to visit more than one dark place in order to reach out to them. Like BT, for all the trials and hardships, trips to the hospital and fears over the future, there is Lia all smiles, purchasing water guns so a bunch of middle aged friends can have a killer water gun fight in her pool. She makes you smile and gives you hope, cause if she can keep smiling…what that hell am I bitching about.
ZD and Kyphi
ZD and Kyphi both have great hearts; it is written on their faces and in their hearty laughs that always seem to come from their toes. I don’t know their day to day lives as much as some of our family as time and scheduling always seems to get in the way of their coming to parties or us making to their home in a near by town. But I can tell you when I think of these dear people I always smile. I think of the 20 something cats they care for at their home. I think of all they do for their kids and grandkids, I think of the strength and heart you see when they are facing hard times. For god sakes though, if you are like me and have a hate for rubber bands, never play with these people, LOL, they are deadly.
Maynard and Kathy
Perhaps the hardest story to tell is that of Maynard and Kathy. They found each other later in life, kids all grown and gone and while most would go to a retirement community and wait, they were full of life. And full of their D/s relationship too, with a room in the house just for the kinky fun! It was adventures always. Kathy was that creative woman who could bake some mean goodies and crochet you a pretty gift. She was sweet in all the ways you hope to find in a friend. Yet professionally she kicked butt too. Maynard was always quiet and unassuming in his own strength of spirit. Maynard loved her so much and they were planning their wedding and all the adventures to come. Then tragically, one day, Kathy was gone in a tragic motorcycle accident. Yes this sweet woman loved her motorcycle too. But even the best motorcycle in the world won’t protect you from a semi truck accidentally hitting you. The shock for all of us was great and the loss it was for Maynard was profound. But to this day, as time keeps going and many of us have married, we think of those two and their love and do it honor every time because we know what a gift it was for us to share in the special love they had for each other. Maynard has moved on now and sadly moved away to start life in another state, and we miss him still but he is never far from our thoughts either.
Connie and Cody
I have to say Connie is one of my favorite short people, LOL. It may well be because she is the only woman I know who freely admits to and enjoys putting her nose in my cleavage and shaking her head back and forth. She is also the only person Lee ever gave permission to do that to me, and it is lifetime permission. In fact if I know I am going to see Connie I make sure to dress accordingly. It is all worth it for the big rosy smile it produced. Connie has faced harder times that most of us, as she has dealt with cancer more than times than any woman should have to face it, and yet here she is fighting it again. But for being very short, she is also very kick ass, in her red shoes this little Domme won’t be outdone. If anyone can kick ass I have no doubt it is Connie. Connie and Cody married not long after our friend Kathy passed. They got that lesson that life is too short and ran with it. They were going to do it quick and quiet but damned if the family said I don’t think so. We all wanted to be there to share in their joy and have that moment with them. We drove for hours since they lived in the mountains then, and yes I took pictures. BT delivered the bride on his big bad motorcycle. Lots of friend and family were there to share that moment and we were so glad we could. Years later now, Cody is still that man who sings for Connie and makes her heart sing too. He loves her so, it is fantastic to see and with them living in the valley now we have gotten to see it often and joyfully.
Robin and Mikey
Robin and Mikey are some of the most fun and charming people I know. They always make me smile, sharing stories about life and jobs, people and relationships is never anything but entertaining and fun. They both have the “normal” jobs to pay the bills but they also do karaoke for a living too. Really I got say karaoke at a gay bar can take on a whole other meaning! But damn is it funny. For all the laughter Robin and Mikey share with us they are also open about how hard it is sometimes to make a relationship work, to find enough time for each other in a busy world. I love these two men. You know, like most women when I was young I would make the sad statement, damn I wish he wasn’t gay. I have grown past that now, the vanity of youth has faded and I am just really glad these men found each other. They are a really good example of the reasons I am a big supporter of the right of gay people to marry. They have been together for so long, and wish they could have children. They would make great parents! I even told Robin that if I wasn’t all out of the baby making business I would gladly give them the womb to use. Because of silly ass rules in our state they can’t adopt here or even provide foster care. It is just wrong! Love is love and it doesn’t need to be divided by gender choices.
Gaby
Gaby is an intense person. Someone who I know I like greatly but feel I never really know that much about, inner workings and all that. She is never one of those people who you felt like you could read like a book and yet on the flip side of it, it always feels like you are getting the honest person. While Gaby and I never spent tons of time together I think in some very special ways she gets me. As a child, there was never a more magical and wonderful gift than a brand new box of 64 Crayons. All new, all the possibilities, fantastic and it was always that way. On my 45th birthday, Gaby came and brought me a gift. I opened the gift bag to find a brand new 64 box of crayons! She gets it!
Sandy
Sandy is one of first people we met in the lifestyle when we did my first erotic art show. Sandy under her shell has a very sweet soul. You can see that just from the way she talks about her children, that would be both the biological kind as well as her furry friends. I really wish I got to see her more but she is busy with her life, as we all are too often. Sandy has always been on those folks who gave a lot to her communities. I wonder sometimes if Sandy gave so much of herself that she forgot to give as much to herself too? But it seems lately she is getting better about having a good time and enjoying herself.
Anicah
Anicah is one of the best people I know but darn she sure doesn’t know it. Very few people would go to the lengths she will for friends, even fewer still would do it and never make anyone feel they owe her something in return. She is creative and funny and has an evil sense of humor. She is making her own home and is proud of her efforts to banish the white walls, LOL. Really she should be proud too she has picked some amazing colors and made a lovely home. I don’t think trusting people is very easy for Anicah and each of her friends knows it is an honor that she does trust us. Even her cats know they have it good! She ended up adopting a cat that arrived at Shards house and wouldn’t leave one of the days we were painting over there. Her name is now Moonbeam and damn she is a happy cat in her new home with two other feline friends for company.
Shards
And her misadventure…perhaps that says it best. Being friends with Shards is an adventure of the first degree. I don’t know anyone I have laughed more with to the point of tears. Shards has had some hard knocks in this life and I am constantly amazed at her fantastic skill at keeping the laughter going. She tries to always see the good in people and forgive them. At times I want to shake her and at other times I want to bow down and say I wish I could be that kind. Shards is another of those people who doesn’t think nearly high enough of herself. When she walks in a room she lights it up just with her laughter and pleasure she gives other people. She is way smarter and intuitive than she ever gives herself credit for. And to top it all off she is a terrific mother. I have gotten to know Shards better in the last year than ever before and really it has been such a pleasure, she has brought so many adventures and such joy to my life. I could just stay here forever writing and never begin to run out of adventures to tell about or descriptions of the heart this woman gives to so many in this world.
Kathleen
Kathleen is one of those people you wish you could bottle up and keep always. You feel better just from having talked to her. Her love of her friends and family just flows from her like the freshest water you ever drank. We have known Kathleen for so long and yet really never got to see her as much as we would like. We have seen her go through two relationships. She loved all she could and did her best but somehow both ended in heart ache. Since we were friends with these other people it was always hard to see the relationship end but what can you do but wish the best for all those involved. Kathleen has moved far from out valley of the sun now but she is enjoying a new life and being a grandmother. I know no matter where the road takes Kathleen she will always be our dear friend who can pick up the phone and chat like it has only been a minute since last we shared our gossip.
Sherrie
Oh Sherrie, where does one start to describe a friendship that began 15 years ago? We were different people then. Each with small children, each with husbands who really should have been shot for how much they took their wives for granted. She was shy and afraid in those days, so unsure people could care of her just as she is. She was my kids little league coach for god sakes, LOL. But there we were this tiny woman and me the big Amazon, and we may have looked quite the pair of friends but over that 15 years we have shared so much of our lives with each other that we serve a balance in each other and our lives. Sherrie was there for all of it, the ex, sarah, the kids, the 10 people in one house, the marriage, the dramas, and the joys, everything. I have walked the roads with her too as she had another kid, a hugely messy and bitter divorce, the relationships that just couldn’t seem to go right, the jobs from hell and the pleasures of discovery. She has grown so much in these years from the damaged woman I met to this amazing woman who is just now beginning to know how amazing she is. I can’t wait to see where the next 15 years takes us!
Lais and Don
Lais and I’s relationship started sort of oddly really, since she was a friend of a friend. But I met her and knew right away there was so much more to this woman than was on the surface of it all. Behind her impeccable dress, her ever so polite manners, her dry wit there beat the heart of a very interesting person. Damn I didn’t even come close because she is way more than interesting she is, crap is there a word for it? I am not sure, she is a contradiction of the highest order, she is shockingly intelligent, she is a mix of cultures and styles and philosophy. She is WOW! She really is the only person I know who reads physics books for fun. As the child of babtist missionaries she grew up in Brazil spending most of her time with a native tribe of Yanomami Indians. They gave her the magic of seeing the world for all it is and the spiritual for all it is too. What an amazing thing it is to talk to her of the world around us and how the energy of life plays out. Then she spent part of her youth an English boarding schools, where all those fine English manners come from. People make the silliest mistake with her, they think this small woman, with her quiet voice, her fine manners needs to be taken care of. Not recognizing at all that under the quiet voice and manners is the heart of a person who has hunted the jungles to stay alive and will gladly kill you if she thinks you need to start over or if the tribe is in danger from your continued presence. You scratching your head yet? Don’t feel bad it happens all the time and perhaps what makes us such great friends is that I always knew the killer was in there and never believed the story ended with the quiet voice and good manners. Lais calls me her Yeme, which is the Yanomami word for mother. It is one of the greatest compliments I have ever gotten. She does this because I was the first person to show her that mothers can be good people filled with loved and acceptance. Something her own mother never did. I have been called mom for half my life now, I earned it, I gave birth, and or did the job but being Yeme from Lais is like sunlight because I know how strong the bond is with this adult woman to give that kind of connection to another person. Right now Lais is on her own journey as she helps her sister to raise her two adopted daughters. Lais never thought she wanted the job of mothering given the horrid example she had but now she knows she can love, be a hard ass or just listen and it will okay with those children. Right at her side on this adventure is Don. Don and Lais have been together quite a while now and like the rest of us have traveled many up’s and downs of life. Don in his own way is very much a mystery to others. He is every quiet and not terribly comfortable with social events. Too much input for him. While crazy smart man he is not socially comfortable. But oh lord never doubt for a moment that he loves those children and Lais. He would walk through fire for them and hell since they had an apartment fire, he did do that literally. He is a very good man, not something you can say that often anymore but I know in Don’s care Lais will always be safe and loved. In my book that makes him pretty damn special.
Susan
When I met Susan it was through some lifestyle friends who said “Wait till you meet her, she is so cool”. No truer words have ever been spoken. And really to this day it is still the best word I have for her, she is just fucking cool, like Fonzy cool, the kid in high school who every one was just in awe of because they just seemed so far above it all. Just COOL. Okay so really we have seen Susan go through many a drama from business crashing and relationship messes and some really serious medical stuff that just sucked the life out of her. But these days I am thrilled to say she found her balance and her cool again. She is helping with her nephew, getting her body back the way she wants it, enjoying life in a whole new way and really I couldn’t be happier for her. I do miss her living in LA and every time I pass the exit on the road that says Los Angeles I think of her and all the fun we had over the years. I miss that I can’t just drive 5 hours and hang out with her, meet her wacky friends, have some crazy cool Susan time but then I remember for the first time in many years she is happy with where she is at with the world and I am happy for her even if I miss seeing her.
Tina
When I started this page for the updates, I hadn’t even met Tina yet. Sometimes it just takes forever to get it written down I am afraid but Tina is the newest member of my family of friends. I met her at an SCA war, through our friend Shards. Shards has known her for 30 years. Tina is what can be called a unique product of a uniquely fucked up childhood and life. This woman has traveled more dark roads than most of ever hope to see and certainly hope we never have to go down. While most would be lucky to leave it behind and not be insane she somehow has managed to leave it with a great sense of humor, a fantastic wit, a strong sense of loyalty and commitment, a sincere compassion and a true sense of beauty in the world. She will freely tell you she had to teach herself how to be human, and from the stories I have heard of her childhood I have no doubt about it. What I find amazing is that she did it and did it so well. Tina should write about on how to find your humanity on the other side of hell. Tina is a photographer and a damn good one too. Now given all the photos I have taken and my own skills you have to know that is saying a lot. In fact I asked her to take photo’s of me, and for the first time in way too many years there are great pictures of me! It has been tried for years and except for one that Master got really lucky on there hasn’t been a really good picture of me in since my senior picture in high school but Tina and I spent a day together where I just played as her model and she did her magic. And oh what magic she did, all without the benefit retouching either! Tina only lives 5 minutes away from me and now we have errands and lunch days where we run away from home for a bit and gossip and have the best time. Thank you Shards for bringing this amazing little Amazon into our lives too.
It is a blessed life!
Through it all we have been there for each other. Even our children call them family. They know if they can’t reach Lee and I, call anyone of those people above and they will be totally supported and loved and after all isn’t that what family is? And I have been blessed enough to have that kind of relationship with many of my friends children too. I won’t call them all by name here because while they are all adults now too, they might feel a bit squishy at being included in Anna’s stories of life since they are all just starting out in the adventures of adulthood. But to each of them I hope they know how much we hold them in our hearts too.